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A Collection Of Questions; With A Few Thoughts In Between

Trigger Warning: This article is long and based on an intense subject matter that may upset some readers. Proceed at your own discretion.

In school, I’m told, I was pretty annoying. Always with my hand up. Always with questions. Always prolonging the lesson, which was apparently supposed to be a quick and sweet death for the other students. Can’t say I cared, though. What better way to understand something, than by asking questions?

When information is forced upon you, how much do you really retain; especially if the subject is of no interest to you? I did very well in school, not because I was studious (because I certainly was not), but because I was curious. I may not have always loved school, and all the social hell that comes with it, but I’ve always loved learning. It’s the one thing no woman can conquer, all the information in the world. To me, though, the pursuit is fascinating.

But what of the things we’re programmed not to question? Social structures, religion, our parents. Are you open to questions? Are you open to challenging your thinking? It may change you, it may not. At least your view on a matter will be based on your own thoughts and experiences, and not what is handed to you; guarantee with an agenda not necessarily your own.

I didn’t always question vaccines, until my daughter had a reaction. My oldest son was up to date. At the time and I had no question on the course for my daughter. Kids get vaccines, that’s just what they do. I do remember questioning the Hep-B shot they wanted to inject when she was a newborn. Fresh to the world, her system brand new. I objected, but never questioned the others. They were not new. They were long standing. Accepted. Normal. Safe; or so I thought.

My daughter had her first round of shots, and shortly after the visit turned into a zombie. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Her body was still in function, but her life force seemed to have wandered far from home. Her eyes, while open, were completely vacant. She did slowly return to herself, but the experience sent me on a savage hunt for information. I went to the CDC website, looking for immediate reassurance I think, but left with only more pressing questions. I couldn’t believe some of the ingredients I was reading. Even more so, I couldn’t believe that this information was out in the wide open and no one else seemed to even notice. I am not against protecting my child. I did not immediately turn my back on the process. I went back to the doctor.

It was a nurse practitioner, actually. I rarely saw the doctor at that particular practice. All the same, I began the discussion. “I’d like to talk a little more about vaccines, before we move forward with her schedule. I am very concerned about some of the ingredients, and the reaction she had to her last shots.” I proceeded to ask her about one ingredient in particular. I am not a chemist, nor am I in the medical field. There are probably several ingredients I don’t understand in the slightest, but there was one I definitely knew, Formaldehyde. My only knowledge at the time was that it was used to preserve dead bodies and that it was a chemical to be handled with much caution. What I learned before questioning the nurse, was that it is also a carcinogen; even in trace amounts. I like to think that everyone in my shoes would then ask the question, so why is it being injected into my baby? I asked. She responded, first with the look of horror on her face, next with the words, “That’s not in there!” I assured her, via the CDC’s website, it was. She left the room to discuss with her colleagues, then came back to pacify me with, “Well it’s in there, but if it’s in there it must be okay” I politely thanked her for her time, and left.

This would be a great place to take a break and process the nurse’s reaction to my initial question, and her response once she verified the information I was questioning.

Back? Great. So, surprise, I have a few more questions.

Why do the people insisting upon, and administering the shots not know what the hell is in them?

Why is the medical field filled with people who don’t ask questions? Who follow protocol without a second thought?

Why was the nurse, (she was not new), not ready to field the question? Had it never been asked before?

I used to think that doctors were the most brilliant minds in the world. Some are, I mean no disrespect to the field, but some are merely robots who have been filled with information, with no inner guidance to discern if all of that information makes any sense. I know Formaldehyde has preservation qualities, but…

Why is no one concerned about it’s carcinogenic properties?

Again, I was hoping the visit would put my concerns to rest, but I only left with more questions. I should note, I ask questions, until I understand something. Annoying I know, sometimes even to myself, but alas it’s how I’m wired.

I stopped vaccinating, but I was still open to the conversation.

Let’s pause a minute, and ask, possibly, the most important question.

Are you open to conversation? The singular overarching malady of our world is that there are too many egos, and very few willing to check themselves.

If you’re not open to conversation, you’re probably not open to questions, therefore, you probably stopped reading to moment you got the sense that I’m not throwing a parade in support of vaccines. I cannot say, though, that I would never be open, were they re-engineered by people with integrity who value safety and health above profit.

If you’re still with me, though, all I am encouraging is questions. This is not a vaccine debate, filled with all the hateful comments they usually entail. Please do not leave any, for or against with passionate vulgarity. They will kindly and quietly be deleted. We all love our kids. We are all trying to protect our kids based on the information we have and the beliefs that we hold. We are not rivals, and this is not a debate. It is a collection of questions; with a couple thoughts in between. My thoughts may be biased, but the questions are not! You can either turn away from them and decide they have no relevance for you, or you can lean in and ask them of yourself.


Was your decision whether or not to vaccinate or based on anything other than fear?

Was your decision based on any information you personally researched?

Fear is probably the most effective tool in campaigning. It hits you, Boom, takes root, and is very difficult to eradicate. The commercial of the child dying from a “curable” disease touches, and scares us all, but why do we never see the commercial of the child who died from the cure itself? Because, those who market fear would never allow any contradiction represented. Information is only a threat if your insecure in your stance. Why stifle the other side of an argument, unless it has merit? Anyone who goes off on a psychosis fueled rant is easily dismissed as crazy. People simply don’t pay attention to them. Valid rants coming from someone who possibly shares their mind with a mental disorder may be dismissed as crazy, but they are also quickly silenced before they can “infect” others with their logic.

Let’s get back to the questions.

Do you trust the agency responsible for formulating vaccines?

Do you trust the government they answer to?

If so, why do you trust them?

Do you have any experience with the agency beyond the needle?

Grocery stores, retail chains, massage therapists. We all have much to say on our likes and dislikes of particular companies and service providers, based on our experiences, and how we are treated. We have all met a restaurant, mechanic, teacher that we did not trust because our interaction with them struck discord with our intuition. With regard to vaccines, though, our only experience is with the doctors demanding them; who are not always well versed themselves. (At another appointment where I tried to discuss the ingredients, and safety of the shot they were recommending, I was simply handed a pamphlet. The doctor told me I could read it.) We also may have had experience with the nurses administering them, who know nothing more than the side effects their taught to caution against, and the media who fills us with fear of the diseases.

And what of the government?

If you trust them, why?

Have they shown you they hold the best interest of the people they serve?

Have they shown you that they care about your children?

If our government truly gave a shit about our kids, why are there no gun laws to protect them? Our children continue to be massacred in what has become a trend, to which our government offers the background comfort of their thoughts and prayers, with casual automation; limited action. That limited action being to traumatize children with lock-down drills, and prepare them for a terrorism that, apparently, is not a large concern for our government. Measles has become a national emergency, but the water crisis in Flint, Michigan is has gone on more than 5 years without the government ensuring a solution. Children live in Flint too. Where is the care and concern for them? School shootings are written off as nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence. Statistically, is your child more likely to live through a school shooting, or contract the measles? Look it up.

If our government wanted to protect our kids, why are they being ripped from their mothers arms and thrown in cages? Why are they being assaulted with tear gas when they seek refuge as they cross imaginary borders controlled by barbarians who rule over stolen land? Why are they being streamlined into trafficking, to serve the very same people who want control over what they inject into your children?

Do you believe that some children are more valuable than others? Hint : This is a real man in the mirror moment. Try to challenge yourself to dig deep, and answer honestly.

Are only American children of value? And speaking of value, what does our government value? Anything other than money? Are measles an emergency because children with measles are valuable, or are they contagious and hard to control? Does our country value health? Does our country value control? What’s easier to control, measles or cancer?

The hot topic always seems to be vaccines and autism. I personally don’t believe that vaccines cause autism. I believe that as we evolve, there is a generation of children being born into this world that experience it much differently, and will ultimately change it. I also believe that these children, and their immune systems, are highly sensitive to the neuro-toxins in vaccines, and therefore, more likely to endure vaccine injuries; including those that might exaggerate their autistic traits, or trigger a predisposition. I have a daughter on the spectrum who is high functioning. I often wonder where she might be if she were vaccinated.

But, what about vaccines and cancer. Have childhood cancer rates increased or decreased over the last several decades? Have the number of vaccines required increased or decreased over the last several decades? Is there a connection? Is there a connection between the rise in infertility and vaccines? Is it possible that vaccines could be formulated to create patients for the health industry to treat? Is it possible that our government would put the potential of that profit above the well being of the people?

Is a child who dies from measles more valuable than a child who dies from a vaccine injury?

How many children have actually died from measles in the last 3 years? How many children have died from vaccines? How many children have died from mass shootings? Please, I implore you to look up the numbers, and decide for yourself which is the emergency.

Who is right, the mother who watches her child endure measles after being exposed to an unvaccinated child, (or a vaccinated child who is still not immune), or the mother who watches her child suffer an injury after being exposed to toxins inside the vaccine she was given by her pediatrician?

Are they both not mothers helpless to cure their children?

For my pro-vaccine parents, what would you say to the family who just lost their child after a routine well-child check up that included shots? That’s too bad? It happens? You had to lose yours, so that I could keep mine safe?

What should the anti-vaxx family say to the parents who just lost their child to measles? Your kid should have had a tougher immune system? Natural selection, sorry? You should have gone to see my naturopath?

If your own child died, or was severely impaired by a vaccine, would you take one of your other children to their next doctor visit, and “try again”?

It is not a simple matter. Neither side is completely right or completely wrong. We are all parents treading through this treacherous world trying to keep our families safe, the best we know how. We are not at war, even if we come to different conclusions on the same matter. The only important thing is that we have the freedom, and right to choose.

I am grateful to have never known the experience of losing a child, and God willing I will never have to. No parent should have to. To say my thoughts and prayers go out to the families who have endured such a tragedy would be generic and arrogant; a greatly hollow extension of empathy. I know nothing of their pain. None of us should sit on any horse, and offer anything to a mother or father who has lost her child except open arms, and a readied space in our heart, where we hope our deepest sympathies might provide them a moment of solace. We can also offer action when it is available to us. We can fight against vaccine mandates. We can fight for the safety and effectiveness of vaccines.

Speaking of safety…

If vaccines are safe, why are so many lawsuits settled in favor of the families devastated by them?

Do you rest well at night knowing, “if it’s in there, it must be okay?”

Is what is allowed in our food “okay”?

Is what is allowed to continue in our water, “okay”?

What actions from the government have ever actually shown you that they care about kids?

Do you think the government cares because it is trying to eliminate abortion?

Are you pro-choice or pro-life?

If you’re pro-life, are you also pro-vaccine?

Do the two align?

Do the protesters who stand outside of Planned Parenthood, also protest outside the labs that dissect the fetuses for vaccines?

Aborted fetal tissue is the other ingredient in vaccines that gives me great pause. It’s inclusion strongly violates my spiritual beliefs. Should I not have a choice in whether or not my child is injected with the cells from an aborted fetus? My own stance on abortion is that while I am not a cheerleader, I strongly believe that each woman’s body is her own, each circumstance is unique, and anyone concerned about the vitality of the fetus, but not offering themselves, personally, to love, feed, cloth and shelter the child it will grow into, have only an ignorant argument that should be kept to themselves. Making abortions illegal, but trying to make vaccines mandatory is a contradiction. Where will our government get their fetuses, some birthed alive before their slaughter for the purposes of their living cells, if they outlaw abortion? From their mistresses and sex slaves who will always have access?

They care about control. Not child safety.

I truly am not being snarky or condescending in any of these questions. They are the questions I asked of myself. They are questions, and can be nothing more if you so choose. I have also offered my opinions, which we may not share, but the two things I know for sure are this:

Disease is a terrible and scary thing, and we can never erase, or evade all of the fears that come along with parenting. I also know that whether or not your child is vaccinated should be a CHOICE! On this we need to stand together.

Mandated vaccines are a Very scary thing! A true loss of freedom. It would open the door for the government to inject the population with literally ANYTHING! When will you rock the boat, and change your course? When your intuition warns, “there’s danger ahead”? When you see the waterfall approaching? When you’ve already fallen off the water’s edge?

Please do not take my word for anything in this article. Go and seek answers on your own journey. Use this article as a guide if you like. Print it out. Go through, and answer the questions. If you’re pro-vaccine, go look up a few stories of the families that have lost a child, or seen them permanently disabled. If you’re anti-vaxx, do research on the families affected with measles, and or other “preventable” diseases. Please research the ingredients! Decide based on as much thorough information you can digest, and integrate into your own belief system. Then, give that same courtesy and respect to others. My children matter just as much as yours. Yours matter just as much as mine.

I leave you with the famous words from Martin Niemoller to start you on your way.

“First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out- because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out- because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out- because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me- and there was no one left to speak for me”

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Hi, I'm Xavia, The Messiful Mama. I am the mother of 4 amazing, spirited children who save my life everyday. I pour myself into parenting and, although, there are plenty of days where that effort is full of chaos and drama and sometimes even hair pulling, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

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