Manage the Mess,  Uncategorized

A Parenting Gem (The Only Piece of Advice You’ll Ever Need)


Are you ready? This is parenting gold right here, so listen close! The only piece of parenting advice, I guarantee, you’ll ever need is this,

“Stop listening to anyone but your own intuition”

Your inner guidance system will never steer you wrong. All the advice you’ll ever need is sitting right there in your gut and, if you pay attention, your children will be better teachers than any suzy homemaker/mother expert you’ll ever meet. A lot of people will argue that parenting is so hard because there’s no instructions, but our kids are walking manuals. There may not be anything that makes parenting easier but if you follow their lead you’ll find you have more answers than you realize. A lot of lessons learned may come from doing things horribly wrong at first, my oldest child definitely caught some tough breaks, but if you can get over the discomfort of flopping from time to time you’ll do just fine. I’m not saying that there is never any value in educating yourself via classes, books, or even some great tips you’ll find right here with me ;-), but I am saying that no one approach works for every single child. Moms are completely customizable, squeezing yourself into a cookie cutout won’t serve you or your kids! If you find something that works you’ll feel it in your uterus, if not leave it right there and walk away. Trust me, you’ll regret impulse parenting purchases more than any indulgent ice cream/brownie combo you bought simply because the samples handed out at the grocery store all but gave you a mini orgasm. I think it’s awesome that your kid has a sophisticated pallet and will eat roasted asparagus with buttered lemon sauce but my youngest has all types of sensory and textural aversions and I have plenty of other battles that require my energy so for now I accept the fact that anything beyond applesauce and bottled green juice are just not gonna happen.

This may come as a shock, because of all the mothering accolades that adorn my nightstand, but I have no idea how to parent your child. YOU are the perfect parent for YOUR child! I may irreparably scar your children if they were left to endure my parenting skills, but luckily they’re safe and sound with you. Unless you have a healthy sense of humor my kids would probably drive you mad and then you would abandon them and they would be devastated; but lucky for them I’m in it for the long haul and their quirks simply serve as motivation for me to maintain all my therapeutic commitments as well as fuel for my writing; I take pretty good care of myself thanks to my little oddballs!


I’m not here to tell you how to be a good mom, you don’t need that; you know your own strengths and what you need to work on. I am hear to urge you to listen to that inner voice, we all have it. Listen to your kiddos as well, they’re not always the gentlest of teachers but, if you’re open, they’re definitely the most effective. If you combine the two and remember to make your own self care a priority, I have no doubt that you’ll do an amazing job.

So, to the know it all mom with all the answers and perfect kids, kindly keep your opinion to yourself. Oh, and  please reach out; I’d like to take a selfie with you to prove you are not some mythical creature.  To all the millions of other moms who struggle with self doubt, wondering if you’re doing it all wrong, “ You know what it takes to be the best mom that your child needs, you just have to trust that you do!”

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Hi, I'm Xavia, The Messiful Mama. I am the mother of 4 amazing, spirited children who save my life everyday. I pour myself into parenting and, although, there are plenty of days where that effort is full of chaos and drama and sometimes even hair pulling, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.


  • Heather with WELLFITandFED

    I love your sent image but I disagree in part. The wise woman around me have taught me more than I can ever say. These seasoned, experienced precious givers share their hard-won knowledge so I can stumble less. I will then pass that on to my nieces and their friends. We have lost the sense of “village” that used to exist naturally and now we put mothers on an island and tell them they should be able to do it. Women who don’t live near family, don’t have a tribe and sit and wonder what they are doing wrong. So while I am a deeply strong believer in intuition and I do believe your kids, Upon their birth, simultaneously open up that part of you that can nurture and teach, I do think we are meant to reach out to the wisdom of others. Like. A. Lot. Xoxo. Thank you for making me think.

    • Messiful Mama

      I absolutely value the “village” and I am a huge advocate of finding your tribe, Messiful Friends Forever as I like to call them :-), a large part of what I do is actually encouraging moms to reach out and helping them find ways to connect with other mothers. I do think, however, that it can be easily overwhelming when you have input and opinions coming from several different directions and while there is definitely wisdom to be found in the experience of others I just believe that we should use our intuition as guidance for which advice we follow verses the pieces we should pass on. Thank you so much for taking the time for a thoughtful response, I really appreciate your feedback! 😉

  • Liv

    It’s so true that the best parent for your kids is you!! It’s all about following your gut and doing what you need to do for them.