I’d like to boast that my kids always do as I say, the first time, Without protest or complaint, but I’d be lying. I have to repeat myself more than I’d like to admit. I’m sure we all have that one Signature phrase we find ourselves saying multiple times a day. Once the clock strikes 7 I am just about ready to nix talking all together and take a vow of silence. There are exceptions though. There are times that they do exactly as I ask and I find myself maybe wishing that they hadn’t.
Here are 5 times I wish my kids were a lot less than obedient.
When I’m in the shower
There are few things in this world that I will seal with my Messiful Mama Guarantee stamp of approval, but I would put big money on the odds that the Only time your kids will flush the toilet, on their own, will be when you are enjoying what should be a nice, peaceful “me-time” shower. They will also, Conveniently remember to wash their hands and burn you a second time. I’ve actually thought of installing an automated recording, set to go off after a butt lifts off the toilet (yeah, just like the automatic flushers). I’d record it myself, no robot voice necessary, “Did you flush? Did you wash?” Now I realize, though, that it would be a total waste of money, all I have to do is turn on the shower before they go in to potty, “like a moth to a fire”!
When I buy a special dessert
My kids don’t like vegetables and I don’t fight with them over it. I am not Team “I am going to Force you to eat them and you don’t get up from the table til all your vegetables are gone and your plate is clean” I’m more Team “Here’s some green beans and a little bit of yummy spaghetti and not-balls (vegetarian meatballs). If you want any more spaghetti or dessert you need to eat the green beans and if you don’t I’ll just eat them along with your portion of dessert” 😉 Sometimes, in Anticipation of vegetables left behind, I’ll get an extra yummy dessert because I know I won’t have to share. If however, that yummy dessert is a slice of Wegman’s Ultimate Chocolate Cake, forget about it; they will eat Every last green spec on the plate! I think I’ll start buying brussel sprouts or asparagus on my cake days. I won’t even eat those, but I have the Luxury of being a hypocritical adult who can pass on the gross stuff and simply enjoy dessert after they all go to bed.
When all the details are not necessary
Honesty with my kids tends to be somewhat of a fluid concept. If the conversation is Flowing in the direction of consequences they’re more likely to avoid the full truth. There are times when I have to ask the same question a Couple times in a couple different tones, each more threatening than the last, to get a straight answer. BUT, let the receptionist at my daughter’s elementary school ask her why she’s Late. Not only will you hear Exactly what time I woke up versus what time I was Supposed to, but you will also learn the Brand of the wine bottle sitting in the recycling bin and all the Dirty words overheard from the Inappropriate movie that was playing when she got up to pee. Sheesh, ever heard of the parent/child confidentiality agreement? Tattle much? “These kids ain’t loyal” No, Chris Brown. No they are not!
When it’s quiet time
I believe we all want to have an Open line of communication with our kids. We want them to feel Comfortable coming to us with all their worries and fears, the things that excite them and all the Stories from their world. We all love to say “tell me about it”. I seriously Doubt, though, that any of us intend that offer to be cashed at 5 in the morning; before we’ve had time to get up and throw our “adult” on. Is there a parent out there that Wants to hear all the playground drama while they’re trying to use the bathroom? I don’t think so. Imagine, if you will, the most Ideal time for you and your child to have a heart to heart. Set up the entire scene and Savor every detail, because that’s about the only time it will ever happen, In your imagination. Kids love to elaborate when it’s time for bed or right before they head to the bus stop but when we actually set the time aside they, “Don’t want to talk about it.”
When Daddy doesn’t agree
And of course, you can always count on your kids to do exactly what you say when it is in direct opposition with the Unacceptable answer they got from the other parent. In my house this is a Top shelf sin, but that doesn’t stop them from pushing the boundary. “When Mom says no, just ask Dad. Just make sure Mom doesn’t hear you!” Many questions regarding my sanity have come from this very scenario. I get less upset when someone Sips my SmartWater, and we all know how I feel about that. I have some what of a primal aversion to being backed into the “bad guy” role. If they’re lucky it Causes a commotion that masks whatever privilege they’re enjoying while we argue, but if we’re both feeling Mature in the moment and able to gather all our Proper parenting marbles they hit a united front and sulk away defeated.
Parenting is kind of like Navigating a jungle gym that is really more like an obstacle course on Wipe Out. It’s Tough and you get knocked on your ass time and time again, but eventually you make it past the obstacle; only to be met by another immediately after. With each Victory, though, you gain experience and it gets much easier to Weave around and find little tricks to avoid the unfortunate times they follow your directions to a T.
Xavia “Messiful Mama” Omega