“I’ve Got Glitter In My Panties” And 6 Other Phrases That Don’t Mean What You Think They Do

“I’ve got glitter in my panties!”

No, there was not a party in my pants, although, that would have made for an amusing story 10 years ago. No, there was a crafting extravaganza that went south paw and once the girls were done hashing it out, over who’s pony picture had the prettier applique of sparkle, somehow I ended up wearing the aftermath in my underwear.

“I slept like a baby”

I slept like MY baby; who doesn’t quite sleep at all but rather, is sound for about an hour then begins to yell, not scream, not cry, yell, something like a donkey, until he grapples my breast into submission and milks himself back to sleep.

“That’s okay, I’m not in a hurry”

I’ve said this to many a cashier, barista, the sandwich making hero at Panera as he crafts my Mediterranean Flatbread (sub avocado for chicken), all because I am in no rush to get home. Sometimes I get just enough “Me-Time” to run one errand and I cherish every last moment; take it from me, there’s a little peace to be found in the check out line. 

“No thank you, I’m not hungry”

I was hungry 5 minutes ago but my snotty baby climbed in my lap and gave me a kiss and I accidently ate a booger and now I’ve lost my appetite. That tiramisu looks delicious though, maybe next time.

“Get the photo album, let’s look at some pictures”

Let me take you on a guilt trip and show you just how much I sacrificed to breathe life into your world. Only we don’t get to the book because my son has an outburst “We know mom, you used to be the hottest thing in the city”. Silence follows, crickets can be heard…

And that look right there means exactly what you think it does!

“Can you go get the wipes for mommy” I ran out of wipes yesterday but your story of how D’Lish Donut Shopkins cannot be trusted because she’s from California and she’s only pretending to be nice (extracted from an actual pretend play adventure) has reached the point where there should be an intermission and I need to stretch my brain.

Every world has its own unique words and phrases, generally, all of mine some how hint at, “Mommy needs a minute!”