Beyonce ain’t sorry, why should I be? I’m not, am I? Am I really sorry for all the things I apologize for? No, I’m not! Are you? If I’m not sorry, though, why do the words fall out of my mouth like the peas I’m always trying to hide in my kids’ pasta?
Once I really started paying attention to how much I say, “I’m sorry” I caught an attitude. Okay, so I didn’t catch an attitude, I always have one, but this one had more of a “punch you in the throat” type of vibe. “Sorry, I’m late. The baby pooped as I was headed out the door.” “Oh, sorry”, as a man reaches passed me to grab a can of peaches while I’m pulling back a jar of applesauce. He should be saying excuse me. I shouldn’t be apologizing for being in his way. I feel like I’m in the way a lot, though. It’s an ingrained concept I’m sure. I’m all for being accountable for yourself and owning your shit when it hits the fan, but sometimes I think mamas and women in general tend to go overboard; saying sorry for just about everything.
Well, “I Ain’t Sorry. No No Hell Nah!”
Feeling bad and apologizing all the time aren’t helping any of us, and it definitely doesn’t make us any better at momming. The good thing is, the more you practice living UnApologetically, the easier it becomes until one day BOOM, all your ducks are gone and feelings of guilt are a thing of the past. To be honest it probably won’t be a BOOM, more like a works in progress kind of mini bang. For a while, we’ll probably only realize in hindsight that we didn’t need to ask forgiveness for buying a box of cookies for the bake sale, because we didn’t have time to get our Betty Crocker on. It’s a change that will take time to stick, and that’s exactly why we need to start working on Ditching “Sorry” today!
If you hurt or offend someone of course you say sorry but here are 5 apologies you should Never give!
Falling Short With To-Dos For The Kids
I manage this one by avoiding promises! I am big on following through when I give my word and my children definitely hold me to it. Therefore, I seldom commit to something 100% (unless it’s really important). Instead, I set realistic expectations with the kiddos. I give them a reasonable timeline, “We’ll go out for ice cream some time this week, but I’m not going to promise a day”. I remind them that mama’s to-do list is long and I’m doing my best, and I Never apologize.
Children Being Children
Children are kind of like wild animals, even when they’re being well behaved they’re still raw and unfiltered; domestication takes time. People may get annoyed that my daughter wants to push one (or all) of the buttons in the elevator. They may try to Jedi mind trick me into marching to my car when my toddler is falling out on the floor, because it’s passed nap time. I know there have been numerous occasions when my kids have been a public nuisance, but by the time I got to kid 3 and 4 I couldn’t care less. They’ll be socialized soon enough, and to be honest I am raising them to keep some of that uninhibited flare. Children embody what it means to be honest, real, and free and I actually try to be more like them instead of forcing them to be exactly like every other drone, miserably adulting in the world. Leave me alone and take the next elevator, and if he happens to be in your way, kindly, and quietly, walk over the little person sprawled across the library check out line. 😉
Being An Inconvenience
Guess what, Kids are inconvenient, which in turn makes us inconvenient by default. Anything you do, they triple the time it takes to complete the task. Nothing is ever simple, and their endless demands seem to be even more random when we brave taking them out in public. They’re tricky little boogers, but don’t Ever apologize for it. If someone needs you to move out of that parking space quicker or the school secretary gives you the side eye for being 5-10 minutes late dropping the kids off, don’t sweat it. You’re doing your best, and today it just so happened that your best was 10 minutes late. There’s no need to be sorry or feel guilty, just strive to be on time tomorrow.
Being A Mess (whatever that happens to mean on any given day)
Just as I strive to not apologize to my kids for not being perfect, I do the same with the rest of the world. This is what being Messiful is all about. Needing 3 reminders before you actually return that school form, having gold fish all over the backseat of your mini-van because “no eating in the car” is only appealing in theory. If your kids never leave the house with matching socks, own it! It’s your mess, it’s beautiful! Other mamas and compassionate on lookers will understand, don’t worry about anyone else who doesn’t.
Speaking up for yourself and becoming a priority
You’re not even on your own to-do list, are you? It’s okay. Well it’s actually not okay, but if you felt even a twinge of guilt when you read that then Pay close attention to this one. Being a Priority, and Living Unapologetically are kind of like kids with sticky hands, they tend to go together. Work on one, and you can’t help but make progress with the other. You don’t have to start yourself at the top, (Even though there’s nothing wrong with you being #1 on the list!) but jump on there somewhere, and when your sitting in a Target parking lot sipping your Starbucks, and enjoying pure nothingness, don’t feel one bit bad that you’re not washing your daughter’s dirty teddy bear instead.
Being Mama Bear
I think we’ve all had a moment or two where we go full on Mama Bear. I know I’ve gone into protective mode once or twice (or 25 times) myself. It’s easy, though, to question our reaction (especially in a world where the message is that we’re too emotional). Never apologize for your gut reactions when it comes to your babies. Even if you look back on the situation and realize your reaction really didn’t match the situation, you owe Zero sorrys when you go to bat for your child. If you’re picking berries in the woods and happen upon a bear cub and try to engage, the mother is not going to stop and ask what you’re doing, she’s probably gonna maul you! Of course as humans we are less likely to have such an extreme reaction, hopefully, but protecting our young is a primal instinct. Do your best to gather information before you pounce – if you do “maul” someone over a misunderstanding you’re definitely going to have some splainin to do – but fight or flight, especially when it comes to our young, is natural! Don’t apologize, just offer a “Thank you for understanding my Mama Bear moment(s)”
We’ll always have plenty of things to make amends for. We’re human, we’re flawed, and we all make mistakes. But, there is such a sense of freedom when you drop the guilt and only apologize for that which you are truly sorry. Thank people for understanding, rather than asking them to excuse your mistakes, and feel free to file everything else under “Not worth my energy”.