After getting the kids down and the house picked up I slid into my covers. After a few minutes of looking at my eyelids I could tell sleep would not be coming easy. Then events of the day started filling my thoughts. Every interaction flashed across my mind as if I was watching several short movie clips.
The first was a scene starring me as Cruella De Vil. I went completely berserk over a few unrinsed dishes the hubbs left in the sink that morning.
The next was of me talking to my mother on the phone and completely losing my cool over a silly situation. One that was most likely a misunderstanding all together.
At this point I am feeling pretttty lame. Why do I have to get so emotionally charged over the smallest things?! UGH. Well, then comes the next scene which I have officially labeled as an “R” rated clip. Something I want no one ever to see or remember.
I have lost it with my not even 2 year old daughter. I demand that she obey me exactly. She screams. I flick her mouth. She screams again. I put her in her room and slam the door.
It is immediately followed by the next scene which hurts my heart more.
She is bringing me a story. I ignore her and continue my work. She grabs my hand and places the book right in my palm . I place it down “Not now honey.” She lays her head on my knee. After a time she gives up and goes away.
As these scenes of the day play over and over in my mind, tears start to gather. The guilt and shame is too much. I lose it.
After a good cry I went and washed my face. Then really tired this time I headed back to bed. Once again sleep wasn’t coming. More memories of the day started playing across my screen.
But these memories were more welcome than sleep…
The first was of me preparing my husband’s lunch in the morning and slipping a sweet note in just before zipping it up.
The next was of me sitting on a dear friend’s couch in the afternoon listening to some of her deepest worries and concerns.
Then the tunes of all the crazy songs and dances I perform for my kids throughout every day.
The final memory that lulled me to sleep was all the hugs, kisses, and giggles, I shared with my fun and goofy children.
I may not be a perfect mom. I am not a flawless person. I make lots of mistakes. It is how I handle those mistakes that makes me who I am. And honestly… the more I focus on my imperfections the worse I perform and the further I get from being the mom I want to be. That is why replaying these memories of my best moments is so important… If I focus on these I know I will have more of them.
I love to find the “Happiness in this Messy Mommy Life”
I’m so excited to be working with the amazing sister/mom duo over at Goofs n’ Giggles; their not afraid to #confessthemess and they’re willing to fing the humor along the way, my kind of mamas 😉 . Learn a little more about them here and be sure to head over to show their page some love as well. 🙂
I am Kayla the brunette, and I am Lexy the Blonde and together we are “Goofs n’ Giggles” We are sisters who love to blog about anything mom. We aren’t afraid to tell you the whole truth about how crazy, messy, and absolutely AMAZING life is.