10 Reasons Why I'll Never Win Mother of the Year
Confess the Mess,  Featured,  Mom of the Year Award

The 10 Things That Will Likely Keep Me From Winning “Mother of the Year”

I know I can’t be the only one who practices accepting an award. I’m very gracious, and my speeches always include a big “Thank you to my fans!” I never forget get choked up, waiving my hand in front of my eyes to hold back the tears. I’ve won Grammy’s and Oscars. I’ve even won a Tony. I’ve tried practicing my speech for winning Mother of the Year too but, somehow, in my imagination I never quite make it to the podium. I can’t say I’m surprised, though. There are 10 very distinct reasons I will likely lose the award before I ever have a chance to hold the golden pacifier, and I am painfully aware of each one.
I Will win one day, but that will only be because they award the mother that I am In theory. 

I can hear it now,

“And the mother of the year award goes to, Xavia Omega!” 

My name will sound so eloquent rolling off the M.C.’s tongue. Only I won’t hear her say it. I’ll be outside in the hallway, because I’ll be running #1 LATE; my clan and I will have just arrived.

I will quickly compose, though, and pretentiously strut up to the podium very pleased with myself, Something like a peacock I imagine, but just as they extend the trophy to me…

My youngest daughter will begin to whine loudly that she’s #2 SO HUNGRY.  I can assure you she was given 3 options for lunch, and offered a snack on the way. Even so, she will fix her puppy dog eyes just so, her deceivingly petite frame may even Quiver, and you’ll swear I don’t feed her. 

At that moment, my son will surely share the story of the time I #3 LEFT HIM at the rec center after volleyball. He won’t mention that I only got to the edge of the parking lot, or that I usually never have my kids with me on game nights. He won’t tell anyone it was all a mistaken 49 seconds of autopilot. No, he’ll dramatically describe for you, the 5 seconds he was outside, Traumatized by the lonely blanket of white that surrounded him. He didn’t know if he’d ever see me again, but then, through the snowflakes, he saw my headlights because I turned right back around! 

At this point the committee members will begin exchanging glances, then it will happen. My oldest daughter will shout out, “Mom, you look Damn beautiful”! I will have no excuse for her #4 LANGUAGE but I will smile because, after all, I’m sure I will look Damn beautiful when I go to accept my award.

The crowd will begin to snicker and the room will smell like “Second thoughts”. Everyone will take a slightly closer look at me and the kids.

They’ll notice my son has on short sleeves and they won’t see a sweater or jacket on his chair, even though its January. They’ll wonder, “why is he #5 DRESSED so INAPPROPRIATELY?” Of course, they will not have the footage from earlier when I told him 5 times to get something warm on, nor will there be a viral YouTube video of the 7 minute earful he received in the car when I finally noticed he never listened. And, if the odds are ever in my favor, I’m sure he’ll have the sniffles as well. 

Then their attention will shift once again to my daughter who, I’m sure, will be Decorated in band aids and boo boos. I do not #6 PUT MY HANDS ON HER, as it would appear, that just happens to be how she rolls; with a Murphy’s Law kind of swagger. 

At this point not only will I smell second thoughts, but a dirty diaper as well, because it will only serve to compliment the moment that the baby will drop a Shadoobie. At least one person will wonder how long he’s been sitting in it, because I’m sure the little guy will be #7 STINKY. My mothers intuition will telepathically pick up on this one person, and it will piss me off, and I will shout out, “He just pooped. Just now!” This will probably make me look a little #8 CRAZY. Just because you always need a cherry on top, I’m sure as I’m shouting he’ll start crying. I’ll start lactating and the ring around my breast will, no doubt, make me look a little #9 DIRTY & UNKEMPT.

I will begin to Laugh hysterically because, well because the irony will just tickle me so deep down. I will then make my way to the restroom, #10 UNPREPARED, because I forgot the diapers and wipes in the car. My exit will be nothing short of theatrical. My ducklings will surely follow on my heels, and I think it’s safe to say We won’t return; through the eyes in the back of my head I could see everyone on the committee all shake their heads a unanimous, “No”. 

As we are leaving, I imagine I will pass a sympathetic mother who offers a well intended, “Better luck next year”. At that point I’ll know she’s just the nanny, because any mom who just watched that trail of flames would know, I pretty much Ruined my chances for future consideration as well!  

 

*As my 2 year Blogaversary approaches I wanted to jazz up some of my earlier posts. This is one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy! 🙂

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Messiful Mama

Hi, I'm Xavia, The Messiful Mama. I am the mother of 4 amazing, spirited children who save my life everyday. I pour myself into parenting and, although, there are plenty of days where that effort is full of chaos and drama and sometimes even hair pulling, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

24 Comments

  • Roni

    I LOVE IT. Can we add the mother who’s frantically running around in the morning and forgets to pack snack? She voted for you BTW 😉

    • MessifulMama

      MessifulMama

      Yes, I saw her when I was walking up to the stage; 3rd row 7th seat from the left 😉

      • Venus

        OMG X, that was great! I could really see the whole picture… I am that mom who’s cheering you on and giving a standing ovation as you walk out. Meanwhile my 2.5 ur old is screaming his head off because its nap time and refuses to go to sleep… Love it love it love it

        • Messiful Mama

          Messiful Mama

          Thank you Venus! Of course they would schedule it right in the middle of nap time, anything else would make life just a little easier for us moms; can’t have that 😛 lol

  • Ronnie Clarks

    Don’t forget the ONE TIME that you arrive late (on time) to the end of basketball practice because the coach decided to end 10 minutes early and see your child and the coaches standing outside waiting for you. Never mind the other 36 times that you sat in the gym that smelled of sweat socks, onions, and corn chips or the days you sat in the parking lot enjoying a good book for 1.5 hours (deep sigh). Great read!!!

    • MessifulMama

      MessifulMama

      Yessss, all they ever remember is that “one time”!!

  • shetora

    I loved this! So colorful, witty, and heartfelt. I was sitting at the award ceremony rooting for you! You are mother of the year and don’t you ever forget it!

  • Patrice Moore

    Yes!!! Loved this. Nail on the head, right on the nose, hit the spot, all of that. Cute, funny, FACTS! BRAVO!!!!!!

  • Jamila

    I absolutely love this! It was so enternaining, funny, and so possible to happen to me as well lol. Again, I loved this!!!

  • Tiffani

    Love this!!! Great depiction of mother hood at its finest!!! You brought the story to life with your detailed real life descriptions. I saw the story as I was reading it!! Great job…

  • Diary of a Stay at Home Mommy

    Hilarious! This was so entertaining. I was with you all the way. Love your humor!

  • Renee

    Hey, back off, I was hoping to win Mother of the Year! Hilarious post 🙂

    • MessifulMama

      MessifulMama

      It’s all yours, I never seem to quite make the cut lol (thanks for stopping by 🙂 )

  • Debbie

    Hilarious. Thanks for the good morning giggle.

    My own son would mention the time he was left in the Disneyland parking lot because we came with two carloads of family and friends and he was SUPPOSED to be in the other car.

    • MessifulMama

      MessifulMama

      Yes! They always forget to mention all the details they just love telling people they were left behind :-\ lol. Tha KS for stopping by Debbie 🙂

  • Clare Speer

    I love this I love this!!!!! so so cute – I tell my (now young adult daughters) ….”Well, at least i didn’t kill you, I mean you are ALIVE aren’t you?????!!!!! ” 🙂 🙂 Such truths in your article – I can relate to all of them!

  • Chantal

    Hahah! I am definitely not a Pinterest perfect mom. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • MessifulMama

      MessifulMama

      I don’t think any of us really are. #confessthemess I say, we all have our imperfections! 🙂

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